


Moving On

by LynFraser09



Series: Nightmares [7]
Category: Doctor Who
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-18
Updated: 2017-03-18
Packaged: 2018-10-07 06:52:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,045
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10354602
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LynFraser09/pseuds/LynFraser09
Summary: In the parallel world the Doctor had a dream that seemed entirely too real.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I had this idea in my head for a while but wasn't sure I was going to write it until there was the prompt from Doctorroseprompts on tumblr. I also found it very appropriate with the timing of the release of the new Beauty and the Beast movie what with the age old comparison between TenToo and Ten and the human Prince and the Beast after his transformation. 
> 
> This is part of my Nightmare series but as always, works are unconnected and can be read as a standalone.

It was something he didn’t even realize was there - not until it was suddenly ripped out of him and he was left with a strange emptiness inside him.

 

He watched it all unfold before him and for a moment thought it had been him. He thought he had been the one in the TARDIS, every cell of his body burning with pain that had been suppressed for too long as he fought the inevitable. Then there was the oh so familiar tingling of the powerful energy of the time vortex itself preparing his body for a change. 

 

He felt it growing and growing inside him getting ready to burst from him. 

 

_ “I don’t want to go…” _ He had said.

 

And then - 

 

He shot up, his heart pounding in his chest, his breath leaving his lips in short, quick pants. 

 

He glanced wildly at the dark surroundings, trying to make sense of where he was and what had just happened. 

 

Was he not just in the TARDIS? Was he not just about to regenerate? He could  _ feel  _ it. Clear as the eleven other times that happened before it. 

 

“Doctor?” A groggy, soft, familiar voice and a gentle touch to his arm sharply pulled him back to reality with a gasp. 

 

He turned around, wide eyed and was met with a half-awake Rose Tyler, propped up on her elbow, blinking up at him in concern. 

 

“You alright?” She asked, now sitting up, fully taking in his frantic expression. 

 

Just like that it all came crashing down around him. 

 

He had not just been in the TARDIS, he had not been in the TARDIS for almost two years. He had been living with Rose - he was  _ married to Rose -  _ in the parallel universe. He had not been just about to regenerate - he would never regenerate again.

 

It had all just been a very vivid nightmare. It was not the first time he dreamed about his past - he missed space travel very much as happy as he was in this new adventure with Rose. 

 

And yet…

 

_ And yet... _ it felt so entirely real. 

 

“Doctor?” Rose prompted again, her hand now sliding into his. 

 

“Yes I…” He paused, the words dying on his tongue. 

 

He blinked rapidly trying to solidify himself in this reality. Despite the solid form of Rose beside him and her very real touch he felt extremely disoriented. 

 

That dream was more vivid, more real than anything he'd ever dreamt before. He was finding it hard to believe it wasn't real.

 

“Was it a nightmare?” Rose wondered, keeping her eyes on his face. 

 

His brow furrowed. “I don't know.” He said quietly, his eyes focused on the wall behind her. 

 

She squeezed his hand again. “The time war?” 

 

Finally he turned his gaze to her. 

 

Her voice had been so quiet and tender as it always was when she approached the topic of the time war. Rose had spent many days and nights comforting him and he was always touched by how concerned she was for him every time she did. 

 

The corners of his lips twitched. “No.” He breathed, relieved. Nightmares and memories of the time war had been less frequent since he became this version of himself. 

 

However, it still left him with that surreal and uneasy feeling that he was feeling now. What he saw and felt and heard was not just a nightmare. 

 

Rose also visibly relaxed but only for a moment before the concerned and curiosity returned to her eyes. “What did you see?”

 

“I was regenerating.” He told her and her eyes widened for a moment. 

 

“Oh, Doctor…” She breathed. “Which time?”

 

He pressed his brow together, shaking his head. “That's the thing, Rose...it wasn't any of my past regenerations. It was like I was regenerating...me, the way I am now.”

 

“You said that wasn't possible though, yeah? That you'd never regenerate again.”

 

He nodded once, distractedly. “Yes, it's not possible in this human body.”

 

Rose nodded slowly. “So it was a dream then.”

 

He shook his head slowly, his frustration of his own misunderstanding growing with each second. He could not shake the feeling that something was wrong. It wasn't just the memory of regeneration- that was a similar feeling but not the same. It was like something was missing, like something was suddenly just gone-

 

He gasped suddenly, his eyes widening and Rose’s eyes widened in alarm. 

 

“What is it?”

 

“Bloody hell...” He whispered and brought his free hand to his chest. Rose’s eyes darted down, following his gaze, brow furrowing in concern. 

 

He felt his one heart solidly beating against his hand. 

 

“Doctor, what?” Rose pressed, looking back up to him and inching in a little closer so their knees were pressed together. 

 

“It wasn't me. Well, obviously it couldn't be me but it  _ was _ real.” He met her wide eyes with his own. “It was him.” He whispered. “Rose, it was him…”

 

Roses face went almost blank, her body tensing. “Him….you mean…”

 

The Doctor nodded slowly. “I saw it, I felt it. I didn't even realize...but I suppose it makes sense in some way. I was created from him, I'm a part of him...so someway on some deep buried level we were connected.” He marveled for a moment at the miraculous discovery. Then he frowned deeply, that emptiness inside him now suddenly deeper than ever. “He's gone.” His voice grew deep and low. “He regenerated.” 

 

His eyes drifted back to Rose and he could see the emotion building in her eyes. 

 

After a small period of adjustment, Rose accepted him pretty quickly. They acted on feelings they denied for too long and led blissfully happy lives the last two years in Pete's World but he knew, he  _ knew _ , Rose thought about the full Time Lord that had left them behind. There were periods of time she just looked so  _ sad _ and he didn't even have to ask where her mind was. It was with  _ him. _ And even though he was  _ him,  _ he also wasn't and just like the the Time Lord would always carry Rose around with him, Rose also carried a piece of the Time Lord with her. 

 

She had that same look in her eyes now and he felt at a loss for what to say. He always knew to leave Rose alone when she was thinking about  _ him  _ because she would always come back to him with a smile and a twinkle of love in her eyes. 

 

He felt the loss of the TARDIS every day. He felt the loss of time and space travel. He missed being a full Time Lord (most of the time - there were  _ some _ perks about being human). 

 

Though he could never feel what Rose felt -  _ his  _ loss - until now. 

 

Oh the Doctor still existed, right there in him and in the now recently regenerated Time Lord, galavanting across the other universe with fresh eyes and - hopefully - a renewed spirit. 

 

But just like when he has regenerated the first time in front of her, Rose’s Doctor as she knew him was gone. 

 

Rose blinked quickly and tears pooled in her eyes but never fell. She took a slow inhaling breath and swallowed thickly. 

 

“Was he happy?” 

 

His heart broke as her voice shook. 

 

He knew, they both knew, that when the Time Lord had left them on the beach he was not happy. He had given up his happiness to give them their chance that he could never have. 

 

He knew what the Time Lord felt because he was him - he knew how much he loved Rose and how much losing her at Canary Wharf devastated him. He knew the sacrifice that had to be made for Rose on Bad Wolf Bay and...he knew Donna’s fate. 

 

Was  _ he _ happy? 

 

He could feel the Time Lord’s pain as if it were his own - the physical pain from dying and suppressing regeneration but also the emotional pain. 

 

_ I don’t want to go _ . 

 

That is what  _ he  _ said.  _ He _ was holding on to that version of him for whatever reason. The Doctor would live on but still he didn’t want to go. 

 

“I don’t know.” He whispered and he knew Rose didn’t believe him. 

 

Her jaw clenched and she averted her eyes, taking a shuddering breath. 

 

“How did it happen?” She asked quietly, still looking away. 

 

“I don’t know.” He answered honestly. “It was in the TARDIS.” He went on quietly and Rose slowly looked back at him trying fiercely to hold her emotions at bay. 

 

“He was resisting it. We can...I mean...Time Lords can put it off...for a time. It’s not pleasant but it is possible and he definitely fought it for as long as he could.” 

 

Rose furrowed her brow but stayed quiet and her unasked questioned just seemed to hang in the air. 

 

_ Why? _

 

He shook his head slowly. “He couldn’t hold it back forever. Though he could have chosen not to regenerate at all.” Rose’s brow shot up and explained cautiously. “I mean...he could have chosen to let whatever was killing him kill him. We don’t  _ have _ to regenerate but most of the time it is a superior option to dying. So at least he didn’t want to die...that’s something I suppose.” 

 

Rose’s lips twitched in a half, sad smile. 

 

The Doctor took a deep breath. “It was strong - the regeneration energy.” He held out his hands in front of him. “It’s like I can still feel it…” He muttered and Rose frowned as she looked down at his hands. 

 

She slowly reached out to place her hands under his, flipping them around so they were palm to palm and their fingers wrapped around each other's hands before slowly rotating so their fingers could interlock. 

 

Rose lifted her head, meeting his eyes sadly. 

 

“You were there...with him.” 

 

“Sort of. It’s….complicated. Time Lords are a telepathic race but I’ve never connected with myself before and I have been in the same place and same time as one of my past selves. More than one actually and more than once. But I’m different...I’m him but I’m seperate. I never could have communicated with him, I don’t think but in his last moments in this body…” He drew his hands back to his chest, bringing Rose along with them and she easily came, practically climbing into his lap. “We were going to be separated for ever...the connection was as strong as it ever would be and then completely severed for good.” 

 

Rose frowned and sighed deeply as she rested her head on his shoulder. He shifted his position, opening his legs so Rose could fit comfortably between them. 

 

He rested his chin on the top of her head and stared off at the far wall. 

 

“Was there anyone with him?” Rose asked, her voice quiet and he felt his heart breaking again. 

 

He didn't remember seeing anyone but that didn't mean that there wasn't. Although, there was the ever present sting of loneliness. 

 

“I'm not sure.” He answered honestly and held onto her tighter. “I could really only see him…”

 

He trailed off as a sudden memory flashed before him. At least...he thought it was a memory. He knew it wasn't his memory but perhaps it was something the Time Lord had witnessed just before he regenerated. 

 

“Although…” He murmured thoughtfully send then trailed off again. Rose lifted her head curiously. 

 

He tilted his head down to meet her eyes and as he stared into her captivating brown eyes, there was another flash. It was clear as day as if he himself had been there. 

 

The freshly falling snow, the very smell of winter in the air and the echos of all of a London celebrating. 

 

And a face...sweet and smiling….pink and yellow...and so young. 

 

He quickly shook his head. “No that's impossible.”

 

Rose quirked a brow and leaned back to better look at him. “Doctor, nothing’s impossible with you. What is it? What did you see?”

 

His lips twitched up for a moment and then he inhaled deeply and lifted his shoulders in a shrug. 

 

“I saw you.”

 

“Me?” She leaned back further in surprise and their joined hands dropped to her lap. “With him?”

 

He pressed his lips together and shook his head. “No...not exactly…” He used his free hand to scratch the back of his neck. “I saw him in the TARDIS but I also saw you but you're out on the streets...it's snowing…” He pressed his brow together. “You looked so  _ young. _ ”

 

Rose tilted her head, puzzled and he smirked. 

 

“Believe me, I can't make head or tails of it either but it's definitely you. I'd know that face anywhere.” 

 

He lifted his free hand to her face, caressing her cheek and she allowed a small smile, leaning into his touch.

 

_ “I bet you're going to have a really great year.”  _

 

Suddenly Rose froze in his arms, her eyes widening slowly. “What did you just say?” She whispered.

 

He blinked, quickly shaking his head. “It just sort of popped into my head. I think I must have said that to someone.”

 

He frowned in corners as Rose’s face flashed in recognition and then her eyes welled with tears. 

 

“Oh my god…” She whispered and dropped his hand to cover her mouth. 

 

“What is it?” He moved his hand to rest comfortingly on her knee. 

 

She stayed silent for a long moment just slowly shaking her head and then she lowered her hand and sniffled as a few tears rolled down her cheeks. 

 

“I remember.” She whispered. 

 

“Remember what?”

 

She sniffled again and wiped at her cheeks. She cleared her throat as she turned to him. “Years ago, on New Years, just after midnight I was out with Mum. She wanted to stay out but I was just gonna go home. There was a bloke…” She pressed her brow together, shaking her head and she looked down at her lap. “He was hidden in the dark but completely pissed. Didn't even know what year it was.” She allowed a small smile before it quickly fell again. “He sounded like he was gonna be sick at any moment - moaning and such. He asked what year it was,” Her voice broke with sudden emotion and tears welled her eyes, “I told him...and that's what he said.” She looked back up at the Doctor. “I bet you're going to have a really great year.” She repeated breathlessly. 

His eyes were wide as the realization swept over him. Of course it was her. The Time Lord had gone back in time to see her...to say goodbye. 

 

“What year was it?” He whispered.

 

“2005.” She answered just as quietly. 

 

“2005.” He echoed and a small smile twitched at his lips. “The year we met.” 

 

She nodded, smiling a watery smile of her own. Her lips trembled and a few more tears rolled down her cheeks as the emotion visibly swelled inside her. 

 

“It was you...I mean it was-it was him and I didn’t  even know it. Oh my God, he was right there in front of me and he was  _ dying  _ and I didn’t even know…” She broke off with a sob and the Doctor’s eyes widened and he moved quickly, taking her face gently in his hands and looking intently into her eyes. 

 

“Hey, Rose, look at me…” She took a shuddering breath but met his eyes. “He didn’t want you to know, alright? If I know him, and I do know him because I am him, he probably didn’t even have any intention of even talking to you that night. All he wanted to do was see you again and he couldn’t have risked visiting you at a time where we had already met - timelines, you know.”

 

She sniffled, nodded and let out a small whimper. 

 

“I could have helped him.” She said in a small voice. “Even without knowing who he was I would have…” 

 

“I know.” He smiled weakly and leaned in to press a tender, lingering kiss to her forehead. “I know you would have my beautiful, brilliant girl.” 

 

She closed her eyes and a few more tears rolled helplessly down her cheeks and she leaned in to rest her forehead against his. 

 

No words passed between them for a few minutes - the only sounds being Rose’s slightly labored breathing and the pounding of their own hearts. 

 

The Doctor could do nothing but hold Rose and comfort her while she mourned. He had been a little frustrated when she first mourned him just after he left them on the beach, because the Time Lord was gone but he, the Doctor, the Doctor that loved her, the Doctor that remembered every single moment they spent travelling together was right there in front of her and she couldn’t see it. He gave the the space she needed and eventually she came to him with acceptance that he was the Doctor - the very same one she loved. 

 

Now she mourned him again and this time he mourned with her. He knew the pain the Time Lord must have felt the last several years on his own. For surely, he was on his own. He knew himself well enough to know that after losing Rose and Donna his wounded hearts would not so easily take on another companion. 

 

The only solace he had was knowing that a regeneration often came with a new outlook on life for him - in some way. He was still the same man but it was seeing the universe with fresh eyes and a new personality. One that was just as much fun to discover as the universe itself. 

 

He hoped that wherever the Time Lord was that he got a good new body. One that might even - 

 

“Rose,” He murmured against her hair and she hummed from her place now on his chest. “Do you think finally…I might be ginger?” 

 

To his delight and relief Rose let out a laugh and buried her face in his chest, muffling the sound for a moment before she pulled away to look at him, smiling that Rose Tyler smile. 

 

She sniffled and wiped at her cheeks, letting out another small laugh. “I dunno.” She shrugged. “Maybe. I hope so.” 

 

He grinned back at her. “Yeah, me too...because that would definitely be a plus side to regeneration.” He turned his eyes upward thoughtfully. “Yeahhh, he’s gotta be! I’m telling you, Rose Tyler, somewhere out there in that old universe of yours there’s a brand new, ginger Doctor, travelling the stars in the TARDIS, saving species and planets and just being absolutely brilliant.” He looked back down at her.

 

She smiled for half a second then bit her lip and looked back at him through curious, hopeful eyes. “Yeah, you think so?” 

 

“Absolutely.” He nodded and reached out to take her hands, his face softening. “It was time for him, I think….to move on. To face the universe again and have a brand new adventure...just as he gave us the chance to have our brand new adventure here - together.” 

 

Her lips twitched up in a small, sad smile and she squeezed his hands and nodded. “I just want him to be happy.” 

 

He released her hands and brought one of his hands up to brush a strand of her hair out of her face. “You saved me from self destruction.” He told her earnestly and her lips twitched up a little bit more. “You brought a light back to my life and along with it a joy I never thought I could feel again after the Time War. You made me the happiest I’ve been in a very long time and no matter what has happened since...I was created... and I went my way and he went his...he will always have those memories of you and I know he will always think of them with joy in his hearts. Sadness too...oh yes, there will be plenty of that but I think you will always be a source of joy for him, whether you’re there or not. That is why he choose to come to you just before regenerated. To say a final goodbye, of course, but more than that because your very presence would make him feel better. You said you wanted to help him, Rose...well you did, you helped him more than you'll ever know.”

 

Her lips trembled and then she hoisted herself onto her knees and propelled herself forward, wrapping her arms around his neck. 

 

He let out a small grunt at the impact but easily welcomed her, slipping his arms around her and holding her tight to him. 

 

She slipped one hand into his hair and buried her face into his shoulder, squeezing him tightly. 

 

She lifted her head only for a moment to whisper in his ear. “I love you, my Doctor.” 

 

His chest swelled with warmth and his throat tightened with a flood of human emotion. 

 

The love he felt for the woman in his arms was immeasurable. He thought he had loved her when he was just a Time Lord, and he had, oh there was no doubt about that, but his human side fell for her harder and deeper than he ever thought possible. As a Time Lord he tried to understand human emotion and compared to the rest of the species, he did a fairly good job of it. Being human however brought brand new experiences and feelings the Time Lord couldn't understand if he tried. He had Rose who already made him more human than he ever had been and then he was made from Donna - one of the most compassionate and caring human beings he'd ever known. 

 

“I love you, my Rose.” He murmured against her hair and she snuggled back into his shoulder. 

 

After another few minutes of remaining wrapped in the comfort of each other's arms, Rose finally pulled away, releasing him and returning the spot in front of him. 

 

Her cheeks were still tear stained but she seemed a little more at peace now. 

 

She let out a small sigh and gave him a small smile. 

 

“He’ll be alright, won't he?” She asked, tucking a strand of hair behind her ears. 

 

The Doctor smiled softly. “ ‘Course he will. He's always alright.”

 

Rose gave him a knowing look. “I mean...he'll really be alright. Not in the Doctor “I'm always alright but not really” sort of way.”

 

He chuckled quietly. “You know me too well, Rose Tyler.”

 

She grinned. “And that's just the way you like it.” 

 

He took her hand and brought it to his lips, brushing a tender kiss over her knuckles. “Always.” He answered and they shared a loving smile. 

 

“Yes Rose...I do think he’ll be alright.” He answered her seriously, wrapping his fingers around hers and resting their joined hands on his lap. “He’s moving on as we always have done. He’s brand new now….regeneration truly does wonders sometimes.” 

 

Rose smirked. “New New New Doctor.” 

 

He grinned. “Welllll technically he’d be the new new new new new new new new new new new   _ new  _ Doctor.” 

 

She laughed quietly and lifted a brow. “How many  _ new’s _ was that?” 

 

“Entirely too many.” He laughed but then was hit with a sudden sinking feeling in his gut. It was twelve new’s. Twelve new’s for twelve regenerations which meant, much like him, the new new new Doctor would never regenerate again. 

 

Rose thankfully didn’t notice any change in expression due to his sudden revelation. 

 

She bit her lip and let out a small laugh and he gave her a small, half smile. 

 

After they settled back into bed and Rose fell back to sleep curled up to his side, the Doctor’s attention was drawn to the window. 

 

For once the dark skies were cloudless and the stars seemed to shine brighter than ever. 

 

One life, that was all they had left. He was more than content  living the domestic life with Rose and he hoped more than anything that the Time Lord, wherever he was, whatever he was doing , was finally content with his life too.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



End file.
